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Choncc’s Top-Secret Dumpling Recipe

CHONCC’S EYES ONLY! DO NOT READ!

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Translated by arcane language experts from its original draconic.

TOP SECRET! CHONCC’S EYES ONLY! DO NOT SHARE!

Makes 500 yum lumps [translation: dumplings]—just enough for a hundred party people [festival attendees] or as a light snack for me, Choncc.

List of ingredients:

  • 21 sprinkles of cloud dust
  • 28 shakes of crunch greenies
  • 168 slurps of pig wiggles
  • 112 sea puffs
  • 24 NOPE, NOT ENOUGH
    36 STILL NEEDS MORE

    42 stinky lumps
  • 42 fistfuls of grass
  • 21 squishes of spicy root
  • 7 splashes of Fuwa tears
  • Oil of 28 Shisa hairs
  • Candy sand, thirsty sand, and sneezy sand to taste
  • One whopping dollop of lufu*

*There is no direct translation for this term, but the nearest would be: love

First, add Fuwa tears to the cloud dust and squish until smooth and sticky, then roll into long dough worms. Let the worms rest for a while, because they must be tired after all that smashing.

Next, add the rest of your ingredients to a really big bowl. Pick up the bowl and bump-a-rump [possibly: dance] around to mix up all the meat. Don’t stop bump-a-rumping until the meat mix looks like Bellswayer barf. That’s how you know it’s good.

Now, wake up the dough worms. Use your claws to cut them into small pieces, then roll them out into circles. (Tip: circles are the best shape, because they look like gold coins.) Roll the meat mixture into baby-bite-sized balls and place one in the middle of each circle. Wrap each meatball in the dough like a special present.

NOTE TO SELF: FOR BEST RESULTS, DO NOT EAT YET! I KNOW IT IS HARD BUT YOU MUST RESIST!

If you made it this far, good job. I am proud of you, me. (If you were not able to resist the delicious dumplings, please go back to step one.) All you have to do now is cook the dumplings one of two ways:

Throw all 500 dumplings in a giant pot of bubble [likely: boiling] water until they float to the top. Or, breathe hot hot fire onto the dumplings until they’re nice and crispy.

You’re all done! Serve with Choncc’s world-famous spicy dipping sauce. The top secret recipe for the sauce can be found in the [ILLEGIBLE]. But you already knew that, me.

Happy Lunar New Year, and happy eating!

Please note: This recipe was crafted for a 328,991,572 calories per day dragon diet, and is not recommended for consumption by mere mortals. Eat at your own risk



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